Okay, so first I have a few questions that I want to get out of the way.

1) Is there any way a basic account user can put up an original header, or am I stuck with what I've got? I like this layout, I just don't want to have a header that I didn't create. I'm weird like that.

2) Is there any way a basic account user can change the layout of the friend's page and not the recent posts page?

... or am I screwed on both counts?

And, I said I'd update on RL here, too, so for those who aren't interested, look away now.

Earlier this year I was experiencing a terrible slump - one of the worst I've ever had. I was very uninterested in everything, very anti-social, and very lazy. I suspected depression, but seeing as how I've been feeling much better lately, I'm just chalking it up to a case of 'feeling blue.' Hopefully I'll never feel that down again. It could have had something to do with the last remaining of my cats passing away, but I was feeling down before that, anyway, so who can really say?

That was months ago, though. I've been getting much better. Made more friends, re-bonded with older ones, got closer to my family. I've even had some ideas for writing - fic *and* original. I just haven't quite gotten to the writing yet. Also, I still maintain the 'no writing until SR is finished' rule.

I'm also starting a project in which I'm going to read more literature. I was in Barnes & Noble today and realized how few books I've actually read. So I'm compiling a list. I'm going for well-known classics, so if anyone has any must-reads to recommend, please do!

I believe that's all that's up with me. So, how have you all been? I've been reading posts, but I'm still interested, if anyone has any new news.

Also, please help me with my layout questions! I'm rubbish at these sorts of things!

You may or may not have noticed that I've been a bit quiet as of late. I'd put my money on 'not', because I'm usually pretty quiet, anyway. But, I have been more so lately. I owe e-mails and comments and I have no free time at all. In fact, I was going to make this post earlier this week but I didn't have the time to until now. I haven't even checked my friends' page in days. *weeps*

I did get a chance to watch House on Tuesday, though. I'd post my thoughts if I had the time. Maybe later. I am curious as to other people's opinions, though. So, please do pop by to discuss.

And, finally, some news on Sour Revenge for those interested. I know many of you have probably given up on me (I know I did, for a while there), but I may finally have a new chapter for you guys when I get back to my state of sanity. I also may have an icon post, but for that, I make no promises.

Now, before I go, I want to apologize if I've missed anything important by not checking my friends' page this week. For anyone having a bad time, I offer you *huge hugs*, but I do hope nobody needs them. Instead, I hope all of you are perfectly happy, healthy, and any other adjective that could describe the state of 'goodness' that I hope this post finds you in.

That's all for me. You may now return to your normal broadcasting and I'll return to my... very hectic life. *growls*

I kinda haven't been online in the past 6 days. I went on vacation, expecting to have access to the 'net, but it turns out there wasn't any internet or even phone service. Phooey.

I missed a *lot* when I was gone, so I'm trying to get caught up on everything. Sorry to anyone who posted something that I should have commented on but didn't. I know I'm not a big commenter normally, but I still feel really bad about not being available for anybody.

But, one thing that I know I missed is a very special someone's birthday. Someone who was one of my very first friends on LJ and has helped me grow as a writer. Happy (belated) Birthday, kitty_poker1! Hope you had a great day!

A while later: So, I think I'm done catching up to everybody's personal posts. Now, I'm gonna go to the comm's I'm in and try to catch up with those. This... might take a while.

Hm... My 2-year-LJ anniversary is in three days. I might bake cupcakes. :-)

I know everybody's getting swarmed with these heat-complaint posts, but, seriously, I'm going to pass out. It's 99 ^oF here, but, according to Yahoo!, it feels like 107^o. That's 42 for you ^oC folk.

(I don't know how to enter ^o's so I cheated by using <*sup>. Can somebody tell me the real way to do it?)

No real important fic announcements. I'm writing, but I don't have anything even close to ready for posting.

*big wave* to everybody who went to Writercon! Sounds like it was lots of fun, and it's great having you all back.

That's about it. I really just wanted to post so's I could complain about the weather. And show off my Swing Kids icon. *g* Little!Wilson! Little!dancing!Wilson! *iz even more ded*

Good news! I'm not so lazy any more! Well, on LJ, anyway. I'm reading more fic. And I'm even commenting on some of them!

I got some writing done. If we're lucky, there'll be some SR out sometime soon-ish. And now I'm on page 6 of the first part of one other thing I'm working on and chapter 3 on something else. So, whee! Productivity! Oh, how I've missed you.

And last night? I went to bed at 4:30 in the morning and woke up at 8. It was entirely my fault, though. I had friends over *very* late and we were having too much fun for me to tell them to skedaddle. And this leads to a math equation:

me + lack of sleep = headache and sore throat.

Fun.

I just remembered that I have 100 userpic spaces, so for the past few days I've been trying to fill 'em up. I've been snagging from ats_icons, btvs_icons and buffy_icons, but I kind of want some not-fandom icons. Something cute or pretty or something that expresses a mood. I'd do them myself, but a) there are probably a lot of icons that are way better than what I can make and b) I'm still a little lazy. So. Any suggestions?

I've been kinda weird lately in both RL and LJ. Like, with LJ, I've been reading every entry on my f-list (which is normal), but I haven't been commenting to entries I normally would comment on. Not because I don't want to, though. Just because I get even lazier than I normally am. And with RL, I've only been talking to two of my friends. The rest of them I'm just not in the mood to talk to at all. Which is weird because I usually love all of them. Now they just bother me.

All of this is making me feel like a terrible person. Everything I do just makes me feel like a terrible person. And then I don't even care that I'm a terrible person so I keep being one and *that* makes me feel like an even worse person. Then I still don't change and the cycle goes on and on.

I'm also a little pissed off, too. Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4 AM and then I woke up again at 8. I hate insomnia. I hate me.

Oh, on a lighter note: Happy New Year! Hope you all have fun tonight with whatever you're doing.

Hope you all haven't forgotten completely about me. I've been really busy lately what with the holidays coming up. And this past week I haven't really had any internet at all. But I got it fixed! So yay! I'm back!

I wasn't really able to completely catch up with everything going on on my f-list. I managed to skim, but most stories I didn't get to read at all. So, my friends, I ask you to please fill me in. What's the what? Any of you write anything you want me to read? Don't be modest, point me to it! Every one, even if I don't have you friended back, what's going on in your life? I want to be back in the loop!

Also, I've been looking through the things I've written and I realized something: I'm not nearly as good a writer as I want to be. I have some excellent writer friends (all of you) that I'll never even come close to in quality. But I want to know, anyway. What are your secrets? I'm eager to learn. Gimme all you got. I really want to become a better writer and I'm surprised that I haven't thought of asking you all sooner.

Oh, and does anybody know if there's a way I can change my e-mail address on my user info, but keep my comment notifications going to the same place they are now? See, I want everybody to be able to tell that they can contact me at flufshepherd @ yahoo dot com, but I want the comments to be sent to my more personal addy. Anybody know if it can be done?

Hm... I think that should be it. I hope you all have wonderful holidays! I'll be thinking of you guys!

I woke up with a pounding headache and spent the rest of the day with it. I was attacked by a squirrel, burned, and, to top it all off, my computer got a virus. Yes, you heard me right. I was attacked by a squirrel.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate viruses? I've been spending the past 3 hours or so trying to fix it. After the third hour, I got really tired of doing the same things over and over again -- and not helping the computer at all -- and decided to ask my computer-smart friend. I think we fixed it. I pray we fixed it. And today was the day I was supposed to write! I even had the free time and the inspiration and my muse and I were ready and then BAM! Virus!

And! Squirrel! Out of *nowhere*!

*cries*

I need a hug...

Wow. I'm in such a good mood today. I practically woke up smiling and dancing. And I looked in the mirror this morning and, even though I look the way I always do when I wake up, I just felt *good* about myself. I'm also feeling oddly productive. I don't think I've felt this good/productive in a very long time. It feels great!

And, while I'm already feeling so productive, I'm going to take advantage of it. I'm going to clean, write as much as I can, and bake. I also might do an icon post. I have a little over 60 icons waiting to be shared with the world and I figured, since a lot of people are getting more icon space, what better time to post them?

Okay. I'm off to straighten up my desk (which is long over-due for a tidying) and think about what I'm going to write.
*bounces away*

Hey everbody! I just felt like popping by, saying 'hello', and giving a quick update.

I hope nobody minds that I don't post non-fic-related updates very often. If anybody does, I'm really sorry. I just don't usually have much to say. Also, when I do, it doesn't seem important enough to clog up your f-lists.

Also, I'm really sorry that I don't comment very often on your posts. It's not that I don't read them, because I do. If I have you friended, I read every single one of your posts. Even when you post stories that I'm not reading, I still always read whatever is above the cut-tag. I just don't comment because I can never think of anything to say, or I just sound really stupid to myself whenever I do. But please don't think I don't care, because I do care about every one of you. I just can't ever show it without sounding like a big goofball.

And, in entirely unrelated news, yesterday was my birthday. I didn't update because I was too busy having fun and being elsewhere. I had a really great time and got lots of wonderful gifts. I also went shopping, but I don't think any of what I bought would really count as 'gifts'. But, anyway, here's what I acquired yesterday:

-Some DVD's (including Empire Records and Buffy Season 6).
-Lots of new clothes.
-Some guitar stuff. (Yes, I do play guitar. Betcha didn't know that, did ya?)
-A Holier than Thou cellphone, which, I may add, is the *coolest* phone invented by man.
-A cordless mouse.
-Hair dye for when this color fades.
-A Barnes and Nobles gift card for $30.
-A book shaped like a toilet.

And now, let's talk about my fics.

I was thinking about Sour Revenge and how I approached it, and I realized that I did it all wrong. When I started it I had no idea where I was going, how I'd get there, or anything else about it. Luckily, I have it all planned out now and I know exactly where I'm going. I'm just really annoyed at myself, because now that I know where I'm going, a lot of previous parts are a complete waste. So, now, I'm going to make a promise and you'll all be my witnesses:

From now on, if I want to write a multi-chapter fic (unless it's a 'verse that has no solid plot, like this one) I will not post any of it until I have all the parts written or at least planned.

There. That isn't going to include SR because I already started that fic and posted 24 parts, and doing that wouldn't be fair to the readers. But, any other fics that I'm working on at the moment will remain off LJ until they are ready.

Guess who's back? I'll give you a clue...

It's me!

I just got back and I haven't even started trying to catch up on my reading. I know I probably missed a lot of stuff while I was away, so if anybody wants to rec me any fics that came out when I was gone, please do. And if anybody made any important personal posts that I'd want to know about, please point me to them. I'm going to try and catch myself up, anyway, but I'd still love help.

My friends and I had a really great time. And I brought my notebook with me so I wrote/outlined a lot. I finally finished plotting the end to SR. So, now I know how it's going to end, but I still have no idea how I'm going to get there. I do have the next few chapters all planned out, though so hopefully the next part will be out soon.

I missed you all so much. I thought about you guys every single day. You have no idea how happy I am that I'm back and at the computer again.

And now I'm going to stock up on food and I'm not going to leave this computer until I am all caught up. It may take a few days, but I'm gonna do it. Wish me luck!

Hey all! As some of you may already know, I'm back on the 'net. I've caught up with all of your posts, too. I'm sorry for not commenting on much. In my defense, I had around 700 posts to read so I hope you all don't mind.

For those of you interested, I don't know when the next part of SR will be done. To be honest, I haven't really started writing it yet. I've been working on something new from the unnamed 'verse that I have decided to continue. I don't have much of that written yet, but it's been bothering me for this whole week, so it should come pretty easily and I hope to have it done some time soon.

I want to give that 'verse a name so I can put "Xander's Big Day" in my memories, but I can't think of one. If anybody has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. Just know that the entire fic isn't going to be written with Xander as a little boy. It's also not really going to be written in any chronological order. Come to think, I don't know much about this 'verse yet, so it'd probably have to be pretty vague. So, uh, any ideas? *puppy eyes*

Oh, and can somebody teach me how to make a poll? I want to take the titles you all suggest and have a voting thing at the end of the story so I can see the best-liked ones and make a decision.

And in absolutely no relevance, I've been making some icons. I really hope that I'm getting better at it. I already have a bunch done, but I'm going to wait until I have a few more until I post them so it may be a while.

And.... that's all the new news about me. *hugs* to you all and it's really good to be back!

I'm very upset. One of my cats died tonight. I don't want to get into it much because it's really upsetting me. I love him and I'm going to miss him so much.

Not only am I horrible with death and get torn apart whenever any person/animal dies, even if I wasn't close with said person, but this case is even worse for me. He was sick and the vet had to put him to sleep. I held him and pet him and they took him away to put him out of his misery.

I know it was for the right reasons, but I still selfishly want to keep him and let him live as long as possible. But I can't, because he was in pain and that'd just have been torture for him.

Now I'm showering my other cat with attention now and praying he never, ever dies.

That's it for my personal information. Now for what you all came for:

Title: Sour Revenge, Part 16
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: I don't know the whole new rating system so if this were a movie and I had the proper rights and all, the whole series would be rated NC-17
Feedback: I really need to know people are reading so, yeah, feedback would be nice.
Concrit: Very welcome in comments.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine... Mutant Enemy... Joss Whedon... yadda yadda... don't sue.

Summary: Whole series written for willowschild who asked for "A varient on what happened to Xander when he cast the love spell. Only instead of attracting all women it was all men and the only one who could break the spell was his true love."

Beta'd by kitty_poker1 who is the bestest beta ever. *hugs*

Previous parts here.

( Part16 )

I have to take a moment and apologize to everybody who told me to stay strong and forget him (who is also him.) I have to admit, I'm not strong and I can never stop talking to the people I love, even if they were treating me poorly.

But, in my defense, I didn't go to him. He saw me and went out of his way to ask me if he could call me later. When I got home, we had a conversation about how he doesn't want to lose me as a friend and how he changed.

I'm ashamed for caving in, but I'm more ashamed because I'm so happy that we're friends again. I'm going to be optimistic and hope that this won't end with me hurting again.

And for anybody interested, I wrote some more SR today. Not enough to call a full part, but there was writing and many paragraphs were added, so now it's that much closer to being posted!

Also, I took authoressnebula's advice and I wrote the beginning to one of the other ideas I had. After that, I just kinda flowed with it and I got it more than halfway done. So, I'm getting somewhere, right?

Then there was this other idea. But this idea called for plot planning. I'm actually writing the outline using pencil & paper, abbreviating words and names and everything. Wanna know how long it is, even with the abbreviations? Two pages, front and back. And I'm not even done! I think you should know that I have very small handwriting, so this is definitally big for me. Also, I took up the margins and barely used paragraph breaks. That's how much just the outline was.

I think it's safe to say 'don't expect this done any time soon.'

Hi everybody! I'm not sick anymore, thankfully, but I am still not getting around to the computer too much lately. I went on for the first time in a very long while just yesterday to find that LJ was down, and mine was one of the ones that didn't get back up until just a while ago.

I missed you all so very much. These past days (weeks?) have made me realize how much I love you all and how you all improve my days so much. *hugs you all*



Okay, done with the sappiness...

I started writing the next chapter to Sour Revenge, but I'm not even halfway done with it. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to write more tonight so I can post it for you all some time this week.

I know I haven't been commenting very much (or at all) for a while. And I also know that I'm very bad and must be stopped. But, before you whip out your torches and pitchforks, let me just say that I *did* read your posts. In fact, I just spent about an hour or so clicking 'back 20' more times than could be counted. I'm sorry for not commenting and I hope you accept these cookies as an apology *gives you all home made chocolate chip cookies*

Last but not least:
Two ideas have been haunting me lately. The first one would probably turn out to be many parts, and would take up a lot of my time because it's the kind of plot that requires a lot of planning. The other would just be one part, but all I know is how I want it to end, I have no idea how it'd start or anything. I don't think I'll write either of them until I'm done with Sour Revenge, but I have no idea how long that'll be.

What do you think? Should I write them anyway or wait?

Hey everyone! Just wanted to say that I am still alive. I haven't been too active in the LJ world recently for multiple reasons, but I'm still checking up on my friends page every now and then.

Unfortunately, I haven't had the time to read half of what I want to read, so when I get my time back, I will be *very* busy catching up on all my missed Spander... oh, darn ^_^
( Just an update on what I've been up to... )
So, that's what I've been doing for the past week or so. Or, well, at least the most interesting bits. Everything else I've been doing was just work and boring stuff... nothing very interesting at all.

For all those who care:
I'll probably finish up the next part to Sour Revenge before Friday, but I can't promise it. I can promise that I'll try, though, so keep your fingers crossed!

Happy Holidays to all!

Does anybody remember that time I posted about my fight with one of my best RL friends? The one who didn't care about me at all and who made me cry in the shower? Yeah, well, he's completely moved on. He doesn't care that we're not friends any more (which obviously means he's making no effort at all to try and get me to talk to him again).

I saw him today. He completely ignored me. *He* ignored *me*! As if he were the one who was cut up, thrown onto the ground, and spat on. It tears me up to see him now. It's not like it wasn't hard enough fighting the urge to call him every night and apologize even though he was the one who wronged me in the first place.

It's really hard doing the safe thing. I can either go back to being best friends with him (which hurt me on a weekly basis) or suffer almost every day because I'm better off without him.

Why do I have to be strong? I don't like it - it hurts.

Hey everyone! I haven't posted in a while, I know, but
first my internet was down (which I got fixed!
Hoorah!) and RL has been really busy and chaotic. I
haven't been reading and I have been writing, but not
nearly as much as I should have. :(

Just out of curiousity, though:

If I get a chance to write later on, should I write
for Fluffy's Beatles Playlist or Sour Revenge? (Of
course this is all a big 'if' considering I'm swamped
with work.)

Okay so it's official. Nobody knows what's wrong with my computer. It's very, very slow and I have to wait around 20 minutes after I turn on the computer for it to even open any programs. The smartest of my friends have tried to figure out whats wrong with it but nobody can figure. Trust me that's really bad considering my some of friends work with computers.

I've done 3 Spybot Search & Destroy searches, 2 Adaware, 1 antivirus and right now I'm "defragmenting" my computer. I don't even know what any of those are (with the exception of antivirus).

Not only is it very slow, but half the time the page 'can not be displayed'. I know it's lying because I've seen the page. I've *memorized* the page. If I were a computer I'd have the page ready an hour before you asked to go to it!

And what the hell is that pop up thing whenever I turn the computer on where it says "Can not open Win@#(*$� even though you never asked to open it." (Okay so maybe I changed the words around a bit, but they might as well have said that.)

Nothing I do comes out right. Especially on computers. I am the female Giles.

I'm full of anger and sadness because I just got in a fight with one of my best RL friends. I was telling him about how I miss all of my old friends and stuff and he kept saying things like 'okay' and 'that's dumb' so I started telling him how it really pissed me off that he doesn't care ever.

This was a mistake.

After a long discussion about how he thinks the only reason I complain to him is because I want to hear that I'm wrong and stupid. Clearly he knows this where I had no clue because he's all knowing. Dumbass. So anyway, he tells me he doesnt 'have the energy to deal with this' and then he says 'Fine, I'm an asshole, happy?' I respond, 'is that what you think I want to hear because it's not'. His answer: 'I dont care what you want to hear! Haven't I made that apparent?'

He shouldn't have said that. My response: You have.

I hang up.

Now I'm not answering the phone and I want to cry. He always does this and then says shit like "I'm really sorry, don't be mad at me, I really love you" and I always fall for his dumb act. Not this time. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go cry in the shower.